i am SO ready to be back home. where my heart won't feel so empty.
i absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE living here in portland. i love this city. i love (most of) the people (besides that bastards that stole my purse). and yes, i still LOVE the rain. this is a beautiful place to be. in fact, one day, i may end up here again. but right now, my heart needs to be where my family is. the bottom line is, loving the city i live in is just not worth the price of being away from my family and lifetime friends.
when i made this move, i honestly did not expect it to be this hard to be so far away from my loved ones. and believe me, i did not come up here with ANY intention of only staying five months. i came up here solely for adventure and a personal growth opportunity, and that's excatly what i got. i have learned more about myself in the past five months than i have in five years. i have more confidence today - both personally and professionally - than i have ever had. and that is a fabulous feeling.
i wouldn't change my experience here in oregon for anything. it has opened my eyes, my heart, and my soul to many new discoveries. it just wouldn't be fair to my department or my store for me to stay here and ride out these feelings, hoping things will get better, when my heart isn't in it. i definitely feel like i am leaving something good behind at the square, and i am insanely proud of that.
unfortunately, i do not have a position waiting for me back in san diego. my fingers are crossed i find something over the next couple weeks, but this journey may mean the end of my career with the blue box. and though it breaks my heart to say it, it may be time.
i am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason". so i will hold my head high with hope in my heart and my fingers crossed.
3.20.2011
so it goes
it's been four months and ten days.
today is the first day of spring.
a beautiful time for growth.
it's been an interesting month and a half, to say the least. a LOT has happened. and if i'm being honest, it certainly hasn't been the highlight of my time here in portland. but the time has had quite a significant impact on recent decisions and i wouldn't have it any other way.
january 24th - moma arrived in portland for her first visit. i hadn't seen her in two months and thirteen days. it was the longest we had been apart since she had moved back to san diego from georgia. we had so much planned for her visit...
a fabulous photo walk through hawthorne...
and our first visit to san diego taco company.
january 26th - i had been dealing with some pretty intense stomach issues off-and-on for months, but when the pain woke me out of my sleep this time, i knew something wasn't right. i thank my lucky stars every day that moma was here to take me to the emergency room. it was there that i received the best medical care i had ever received. a physical exam led to an ultrasound which led to the discovery of large gall stones that were causing my pain. i was just relieved to have answers.
note: i have zero regrets about stuffing my face with that san diego taco company california burrito. so what if it caused me to have a gall bladder attack? it was the best burrito i have ever eaten. and, joking aside, it led to answers about my health that i'd had for months.
january 27th - moma flew back home to san diego.
february 5th - i was sent home from work after less than two hours because my stomach pain had become almost intolerable without pain meds (which i refused to take while i was working). i would not work again for 18 days.
february 9th - "nurse moma" arrived back in portland to care for me post-surgery. did i already mention that i thank my lucky stars for her every day?
february 10th - admitted to the local hospital for a scheduled cholecystectomy (aka gall bladder removal), again receiving absolutely world-class medical care from beginning to end. trust me, i can say that. i have 30 years of experience in and out of hospitals and medical facilities, more than most "healthy" folks my age can imagine.
february 13th - moma flew back home to san diego.
february 16th - less than a week after surgery, i flew down to san diego for some much needed hometown healing and to see two of my dear friends tie the knot. it was an absolutely beautiful six days.
spent a whole day with my favorite four-year-old and her momma.
a time for reflection. at swamis on my last night in san diego.
february 22nd - i returned to portland with a very full and heavy heart. this was really the beginning of the end.
february 23rd - my first day back at work. "light duty" for four days.
february 24th - woke up to my first snowy morning. real snow. like, i had to drive to work in it. and i survived!
march 2nd - three of my favorite girls arrive in portland for a long weekend of good eats and adventure! and maybe we got a little more adventure than we had planned for.
wahkeena falls.
portland rose gardens.
it was there the "it won't happen to me" happened. while we were frolicking through the rose gardens, taking pictures of each other and the beauty around us, molly's car window was busted and three of our purses were stolen. and the rest of the afternoon was spent dealing with police reports, filing claims, trips to the bank, getting the car window repaired, and a LOT of time on the phone. day two of vacation wasted because we made a silly decision to leave our purses in the car. lesson learned.
the weekend brought happier times in medford...
...for molly's baby shower!
...and maggie's third birthday party!
march 8th - back to reality. friends are back home. i get back to work full-time. and the thought process really starts moving.
march 10th - my sister turned 22, and 22 years later i still wish things were different between us.
march 11th - after news the night before of the earthquake and tsunami in japan, word arrived that my buddy drew and his family are safe.
march 13th - a final decision is made. i'm going home. and not just for another visit. for good.
march 14th - the process of becoming a minimalist begins.
march 18th - i gave notice to my current managers. and i turned in my 30-day notice on my apartment. this is when it really sets in.
i'm going home.
today is the first day of spring.
a beautiful time for growth.
it's been an interesting month and a half, to say the least. a LOT has happened. and if i'm being honest, it certainly hasn't been the highlight of my time here in portland. but the time has had quite a significant impact on recent decisions and i wouldn't have it any other way.
january 24th - moma arrived in portland for her first visit. i hadn't seen her in two months and thirteen days. it was the longest we had been apart since she had moved back to san diego from georgia. we had so much planned for her visit...
a fabulous photo walk through hawthorne...
and our first visit to san diego taco company.
january 26th - i had been dealing with some pretty intense stomach issues off-and-on for months, but when the pain woke me out of my sleep this time, i knew something wasn't right. i thank my lucky stars every day that moma was here to take me to the emergency room. it was there that i received the best medical care i had ever received. a physical exam led to an ultrasound which led to the discovery of large gall stones that were causing my pain. i was just relieved to have answers.
note: i have zero regrets about stuffing my face with that san diego taco company california burrito. so what if it caused me to have a gall bladder attack? it was the best burrito i have ever eaten. and, joking aside, it led to answers about my health that i'd had for months.
january 27th - moma flew back home to san diego.
february 5th - i was sent home from work after less than two hours because my stomach pain had become almost intolerable without pain meds (which i refused to take while i was working). i would not work again for 18 days.
february 9th - "nurse moma" arrived back in portland to care for me post-surgery. did i already mention that i thank my lucky stars for her every day?
february 10th - admitted to the local hospital for a scheduled cholecystectomy (aka gall bladder removal), again receiving absolutely world-class medical care from beginning to end. trust me, i can say that. i have 30 years of experience in and out of hospitals and medical facilities, more than most "healthy" folks my age can imagine.
february 13th - moma flew back home to san diego.
february 16th - less than a week after surgery, i flew down to san diego for some much needed hometown healing and to see two of my dear friends tie the knot. it was an absolutely beautiful six days.
spent a whole day with my favorite four-year-old and her momma.
a time for reflection. at swamis on my last night in san diego.
february 22nd - i returned to portland with a very full and heavy heart. this was really the beginning of the end.
february 23rd - my first day back at work. "light duty" for four days.
february 24th - woke up to my first snowy morning. real snow. like, i had to drive to work in it. and i survived!
march 2nd - three of my favorite girls arrive in portland for a long weekend of good eats and adventure! and maybe we got a little more adventure than we had planned for.
wahkeena falls.
portland rose gardens.
it was there the "it won't happen to me" happened. while we were frolicking through the rose gardens, taking pictures of each other and the beauty around us, molly's car window was busted and three of our purses were stolen. and the rest of the afternoon was spent dealing with police reports, filing claims, trips to the bank, getting the car window repaired, and a LOT of time on the phone. day two of vacation wasted because we made a silly decision to leave our purses in the car. lesson learned.
the weekend brought happier times in medford...
...for molly's baby shower!
...and maggie's third birthday party!
march 8th - back to reality. friends are back home. i get back to work full-time. and the thought process really starts moving.
march 10th - my sister turned 22, and 22 years later i still wish things were different between us.
march 11th - after news the night before of the earthquake and tsunami in japan, word arrived that my buddy drew and his family are safe.
march 13th - a final decision is made. i'm going home. and not just for another visit. for good.
march 14th - the process of becoming a minimalist begins.
march 18th - i gave notice to my current managers. and i turned in my 30-day notice on my apartment. this is when it really sets in.
i'm going home.
1.23.2011
blossom
january 23rd already. i have been a resident of portland, oregon for two months and thirteen days. i am having a really hard time wrapping my head around that. i feel like i have been here for at least double that time. and at the same time, how the hell did it get to be the 23rd of january already?!? the time is just flying by!
i didn't really make any real solid "resolutions" this year, but i did set a couple goals for myself for the first couple months of the year:
so there it is. my word for 2011. BLOSSOM. my word for 2010 didn't really come to me until the end of the year, but i know for certain my word for 2011 is the right one. two months and thirteen days in, and i know i want to be here for a good while. i'm ready to unfold. to flourish. to thrive. to blossom.
i didn't really make any real solid "resolutions" this year, but i did set a couple goals for myself for the first couple months of the year:
* get out to a show... or two... or three! DONE!
* make new friends outside of work! working on it...
* blossom! gettin' there...
so there it is. my word for 2011. BLOSSOM. my word for 2010 didn't really come to me until the end of the year, but i know for certain my word for 2011 is the right one. two months and thirteen days in, and i know i want to be here for a good while. i'm ready to unfold. to flourish. to thrive. to blossom.
1.18.2011
courage
i didn't have an official word chosen to define my 2010, but i should have. and looking back, it'd be hard to say which word would sum it up better: CHANGE or COURAGE. i think i have to go with COURAGE. because, ultimately, the courage did lead to the change.
in late february 2010, i started toying with the idea of a career change. nothing drastic, of course - that would just be too crazy to even consider. at the time, i had been in my position as a district administrative assistant for almost exactly six and a half years. i was the longest tenured district admin in our region. i had mastered my role. i had trained my replacement. i was getting bored. don't get me wrong, i LOVED my job. just not everyday. i felt like my job had become somewhat of a "groundhog's day" - same thing, day after day, after day, after day... you get the point. but i was working monday through friday, 6:00am - 2:30pm most days. i could pretty much wear whatever i wanted to work as long we didn't have any visitors coming in that day. and not to toot my own horn too much, but i was good at what i did. REALLY good. it was hard to even consider leaving.
honestly, i never truly considered leaving the company. after all, i had been there almost 11 years at this point. i had grown up with this company. and if i am any one characteristic of a taurus more than any other, it is that i am loyal. just the thought of leaving and venturing out into a new company tied my stomach in knots. so what was i going to do? there wasn't really any opportunity for advancement in my current role. i did NOT want to move out of the san diego market. and i certainly didn't want to go back in to a store... the hours, the dress code, the customers, the holidays... no thank you!
and then it hit me. if i wanted to stay with this company, i HAD to go back in to a store. i was not going to last much longer as the district admin. i needed a challenge. i needed an opportunity to grow. dare i say, i needed a CHANGE?! and then everything started falling in place...
in early march, a job opportunity was posted for an operations supervisor in a brand new retail store. this was my chance to get out of the office. i had an extensive operations background, this was perfect for me. so why did it make me sick just thinking about applying for it? i had become so comfortable in my little administrative world that anything else just sounded daunting. and just like that, i dismissed it and threw out the idea of applying.
two weeks later, the same job was re-posted. the general manager had not found the right fit for the position in her first round of applicants. so there it was. staring me in the face. again. this time, i consulted with my massive network of co-workers-turned-friends, my boss man, my friends, and my family. every single one of them told me to go for it. my next step was talking to the general manager. if i had her support to apply, i would. and i did. when i told her i was just terribly afraid of failing, she said "i will not let you fail." it was then that i knew i was going to apply.
my official start date was april 4th.
and before i go on, i have to tell you, saying good-bye to my district admin position was one of the hardest and most emotional things i have ever done. i really did LOVE that job. so much. but it was time for me to move on.
so... a new job. a new boss. a new environment. a new work schedule. a new (again) dress code. i was heading back in to the retail store. ugh.
over the next few months, i thought about that decision i made every single day...
did i do the right thing?
was this really the best choice for me?
am i going to make it?
will this feeling of regret ever go away?
i felt like i was scraping by at work. treading ferociously, but just barely keeping my head above water. i really enjoyed being back around people, but that was about all i enjoyed. i was not happy in my new role. in fact, i was less happy back in the store then i had been in my groundhog's-day-like-admin-job. i needed to be inspired. i needed peace. i needed hope that things would get better. and that is exactly what i found.
i think it was sometime in early july, maybe even earlier than that, i stumbled on a blog that changed my life. i honestly have no idea what series of clicks through my regular blog reads led me to her, but it couldn't have happened at a better time. there it was. the sign i needed that things would get better.
i printed that out and taped it to my bedroom door so i could read it every morning on my way out, and every night on my way to bed. i made it the background image on my computer for inspiration throughout the day. heck, i even memorized it so i could recite it out loud in my car on the way to and from work. those words became part of me.
over the course of the next few weeks, i found myself head over heels with the wonderful, inspiring, beautiful blogs i was digging into: boho girl! ordinary courage! choosing beauty! kind over matter! tiny buddha! kelly rae roberts! walk slowly, live wildly! whitehot truth! and though i'm certain it wasn't, looking back, it seems like it was almost overnight that my thoughts of adventure in a journey of personal growth began blossoming.
on august 31st, i wrote this e-mail to my soul sister:
it was a few days later that i decided it was time to start taking those baby steps towards another change. for many, many years i had been drawn to the music/art/homemade scene in portland, oregon. and after my adventures into the blogging world, i discovered there was much more of portland to love than i knew of before. i needed to go. i needed to see if i felt as happy there as i thought i would. so i did.
i made plans to visit molly in medford and take a short road-trip to portland to check things out. prior to my visit, i had sent an e-mail to the district staff in the portland metro area, just to plant the seed that i was looking for a change and should they have any openings for an operations supervisor or district admin, to please reach out to me. much to my surprise, i received multiple e-mails and phone calls back within just two days. everything was happening so fast! the district human resources manager wanted to meet with me when i came in on my mini visit. everything seemed very promising. the way it was all falling into place was almost too good to be true.
i spent less than 30 hours in portland in mid-october. and i knew it was where i needed to be. and it scared me out of my mind. moving?! to another state?! by MYSELF?! there was no way i could do that. HOW could i do that?!
a week passed. i interviewed over the phone for an operations supervisor in a store just south of portland. and a week later, i was job offered to start the week before thanksgiving. so not only would i have to survive transferring to a new store in a new district, i would have to survive starting there the week before black friday?! hahaha! this was going to be exciting.
i'll skip over all of the not-so-fun details about how i managed to make the move financially (thank the heavens above for dear friends and family), research and find a new apartment all through the glorious interweb, dealt with a third-party moving company to load, haul and unload all of my belongings, and say good-bye to all of my friends, family and co-workers-turned-friends. those two weeks were the most emotional weeks of my adult life. and i can proudly say, it was the strongest i had ever been... to that point.
on november 8th, with my moma in the passenger seat next to me, i drove away from everything that was familiar to me. my entire existence, i had lived in a 50ish-mile radius of san diego. and it was all in the rear view mirror. i became a resident of portland on november 10th. and november 11th, i waved good-bye to my moma as i dropped her off at the airport to head back to san diego. i cried the entire way home. i was just overwhelmed with emotion. as i drove away, it hit me that i was ALONE. i had NO ONE here. but this was what i signed up for. i wanted a personal growth opportunity. and i wanted to push myself outside of any sort of comfort zone i created.
i got settled in to my new apartment fairly quickly, within days of my belongings arriving. i had to. i had to feel like i was "home". i had to have the comfort of familiar things around me. i quickly learned that though i may be working for the same company, the retail locations outside of the southern california market are run quite differently. i almost feel like i stepped back ten years on the company's timeline. but that's another story for another day.
i survived my first black friday back in a store after seven years. i survived the retail holiday hours and last-minute rush of customers. and i made a best friend at work, two of them actually. (one of whom took me in for her family's thanksgiving and christmas celebrations, so i would not be alone... so sweet!)
so that's my 2010. i asked for an adventure. and i got one. if anyone had told me at the beginning of 2010 that i would be going back in to a store within six months, i would have laughed in their face. or if they had told me i would be leaving all of my friends and family behind to move to another state by the end of the year, i would have recommended they get their head checked. it's funny how life plays out when courage gets in the way.
in late february 2010, i started toying with the idea of a career change. nothing drastic, of course - that would just be too crazy to even consider. at the time, i had been in my position as a district administrative assistant for almost exactly six and a half years. i was the longest tenured district admin in our region. i had mastered my role. i had trained my replacement. i was getting bored. don't get me wrong, i LOVED my job. just not everyday. i felt like my job had become somewhat of a "groundhog's day" - same thing, day after day, after day, after day... you get the point. but i was working monday through friday, 6:00am - 2:30pm most days. i could pretty much wear whatever i wanted to work as long we didn't have any visitors coming in that day. and not to toot my own horn too much, but i was good at what i did. REALLY good. it was hard to even consider leaving.
honestly, i never truly considered leaving the company. after all, i had been there almost 11 years at this point. i had grown up with this company. and if i am any one characteristic of a taurus more than any other, it is that i am loyal. just the thought of leaving and venturing out into a new company tied my stomach in knots. so what was i going to do? there wasn't really any opportunity for advancement in my current role. i did NOT want to move out of the san diego market. and i certainly didn't want to go back in to a store... the hours, the dress code, the customers, the holidays... no thank you!
and then it hit me. if i wanted to stay with this company, i HAD to go back in to a store. i was not going to last much longer as the district admin. i needed a challenge. i needed an opportunity to grow. dare i say, i needed a CHANGE?! and then everything started falling in place...
in early march, a job opportunity was posted for an operations supervisor in a brand new retail store. this was my chance to get out of the office. i had an extensive operations background, this was perfect for me. so why did it make me sick just thinking about applying for it? i had become so comfortable in my little administrative world that anything else just sounded daunting. and just like that, i dismissed it and threw out the idea of applying.
two weeks later, the same job was re-posted. the general manager had not found the right fit for the position in her first round of applicants. so there it was. staring me in the face. again. this time, i consulted with my massive network of co-workers-turned-friends, my boss man, my friends, and my family. every single one of them told me to go for it. my next step was talking to the general manager. if i had her support to apply, i would. and i did. when i told her i was just terribly afraid of failing, she said "i will not let you fail." it was then that i knew i was going to apply.
my official start date was april 4th.
and before i go on, i have to tell you, saying good-bye to my district admin position was one of the hardest and most emotional things i have ever done. i really did LOVE that job. so much. but it was time for me to move on.
so... a new job. a new boss. a new environment. a new work schedule. a new (again) dress code. i was heading back in to the retail store. ugh.
over the next few months, i thought about that decision i made every single day...
did i do the right thing?
was this really the best choice for me?
am i going to make it?
will this feeling of regret ever go away?
i felt like i was scraping by at work. treading ferociously, but just barely keeping my head above water. i really enjoyed being back around people, but that was about all i enjoyed. i was not happy in my new role. in fact, i was less happy back in the store then i had been in my groundhog's-day-like-admin-job. i needed to be inspired. i needed peace. i needed hope that things would get better. and that is exactly what i found.
i think it was sometime in early july, maybe even earlier than that, i stumbled on a blog that changed my life. i honestly have no idea what series of clicks through my regular blog reads led me to her, but it couldn't have happened at a better time. there it was. the sign i needed that things would get better.
i printed that out and taped it to my bedroom door so i could read it every morning on my way out, and every night on my way to bed. i made it the background image on my computer for inspiration throughout the day. heck, i even memorized it so i could recite it out loud in my car on the way to and from work. those words became part of me.
over the course of the next few weeks, i found myself head over heels with the wonderful, inspiring, beautiful blogs i was digging into: boho girl! ordinary courage! choosing beauty! kind over matter! tiny buddha! kelly rae roberts! walk slowly, live wildly! whitehot truth! and though i'm certain it wasn't, looking back, it seems like it was almost overnight that my thoughts of adventure in a journey of personal growth began blossoming.
on august 31st, i wrote this e-mail to my soul sister:
i really feel like this journey that i have been taking over the past couple months is going to lead me to portland. i will be the first to say that i always SAY i am going to do something and never do. but never in my LIFE, have i ever felt such an overwhelming pull towards somewhere i have never been. this may sound incredibly cheesy, but i really feel like the universe is pulling me there. no joke, EVERY DAY something else pops up that i take as a "sign". maybe it's all coincidence. maybe not. but, really, what do i have to lose?
it was a few days later that i decided it was time to start taking those baby steps towards another change. for many, many years i had been drawn to the music/art/homemade scene in portland, oregon. and after my adventures into the blogging world, i discovered there was much more of portland to love than i knew of before. i needed to go. i needed to see if i felt as happy there as i thought i would. so i did.
i made plans to visit molly in medford and take a short road-trip to portland to check things out. prior to my visit, i had sent an e-mail to the district staff in the portland metro area, just to plant the seed that i was looking for a change and should they have any openings for an operations supervisor or district admin, to please reach out to me. much to my surprise, i received multiple e-mails and phone calls back within just two days. everything was happening so fast! the district human resources manager wanted to meet with me when i came in on my mini visit. everything seemed very promising. the way it was all falling into place was almost too good to be true.
i spent less than 30 hours in portland in mid-october. and i knew it was where i needed to be. and it scared me out of my mind. moving?! to another state?! by MYSELF?! there was no way i could do that. HOW could i do that?!
a week passed. i interviewed over the phone for an operations supervisor in a store just south of portland. and a week later, i was job offered to start the week before thanksgiving. so not only would i have to survive transferring to a new store in a new district, i would have to survive starting there the week before black friday?! hahaha! this was going to be exciting.
i'll skip over all of the not-so-fun details about how i managed to make the move financially (thank the heavens above for dear friends and family), research and find a new apartment all through the glorious interweb, dealt with a third-party moving company to load, haul and unload all of my belongings, and say good-bye to all of my friends, family and co-workers-turned-friends. those two weeks were the most emotional weeks of my adult life. and i can proudly say, it was the strongest i had ever been... to that point.
on november 8th, with my moma in the passenger seat next to me, i drove away from everything that was familiar to me. my entire existence, i had lived in a 50ish-mile radius of san diego. and it was all in the rear view mirror. i became a resident of portland on november 10th. and november 11th, i waved good-bye to my moma as i dropped her off at the airport to head back to san diego. i cried the entire way home. i was just overwhelmed with emotion. as i drove away, it hit me that i was ALONE. i had NO ONE here. but this was what i signed up for. i wanted a personal growth opportunity. and i wanted to push myself outside of any sort of comfort zone i created.
i got settled in to my new apartment fairly quickly, within days of my belongings arriving. i had to. i had to feel like i was "home". i had to have the comfort of familiar things around me. i quickly learned that though i may be working for the same company, the retail locations outside of the southern california market are run quite differently. i almost feel like i stepped back ten years on the company's timeline. but that's another story for another day.
i survived my first black friday back in a store after seven years. i survived the retail holiday hours and last-minute rush of customers. and i made a best friend at work, two of them actually. (one of whom took me in for her family's thanksgiving and christmas celebrations, so i would not be alone... so sweet!)
so that's my 2010. i asked for an adventure. and i got one. if anyone had told me at the beginning of 2010 that i would be going back in to a store within six months, i would have laughed in their face. or if they had told me i would be leaving all of my friends and family behind to move to another state by the end of the year, i would have recommended they get their head checked. it's funny how life plays out when courage gets in the way.
12.31.2008
everyday deserves a soundtrack
I guess I've kind of been in a list-making mood lately. I think my Mom rubs off on me. After much research and hours of double-checking Wikipedia for official release dates, I've compiled my list of favorite songs of 2008 (this time, in order of impact on my existence).
1 - City & Colour, "Sleeping Sickness"
2 - Adele, "Crazy For You"
3 - Paramore, "Decode"
4 - Jason Mraz, "If It Kills Me"
5 - Kings of Leon, "Sex on Fire"
6 - MGMT, "Electric Feel"
7 - Death Cab For Cutie, "I Will Possess Your Heart"
8 - The Bravery, "Believe"
9 - The Kooks, "Always Where I Need To Be"
10 - Lenka, "The Show"
And for kicks, my favorite "new-to-me" music for 2008:
The Spill Canvas - album: One Fell Swoop
Here's a toast to the music that we live to. And to a 2009 of new music...
1 - City & Colour, "Sleeping Sickness"
2 - Adele, "Crazy For You"
3 - Paramore, "Decode"
4 - Jason Mraz, "If It Kills Me"
5 - Kings of Leon, "Sex on Fire"
6 - MGMT, "Electric Feel"
7 - Death Cab For Cutie, "I Will Possess Your Heart"
8 - The Bravery, "Believe"
9 - The Kooks, "Always Where I Need To Be"
10 - Lenka, "The Show"
And for kicks, my favorite "new-to-me" music for 2008:
The Spill Canvas - album: One Fell Swoop
Here's a toast to the music that we live to. And to a 2009 of new music...
12.30.2008
i smell home cookin'
I don't even remember why I decided to make this list, I think it just came to me one day. I've been thinking about this one for a while now, though. Trying to jog my memory, making sure I don't forget anything.
My Top 10 All-Time Favorite Homemade Foods
(in no order, other than how I wrote them on my note paper)
1. Nanny's Egg Salad
2. Carmen's Albondigas Soup
3. Carmen's Mexican Rice
4. Aunt Sherry's Potato Salad
5. Moma's Meatloaf
6. Moma's Fluff
7. Brenda's Coconut Cake
8. Brenda's London Broil
9. Teri's Yorkshire Pudding
10. Teri's Macaroni & Cheese
It's funny to read this list now, considering it's been YEARS since I've had more than 70% of the foods I've listed. Oh, what I would give to taste them today.
Damn. Now I'm hungry.
My Top 10 All-Time Favorite Homemade Foods
(in no order, other than how I wrote them on my note paper)
1. Nanny's Egg Salad
2. Carmen's Albondigas Soup
3. Carmen's Mexican Rice
4. Aunt Sherry's Potato Salad
5. Moma's Meatloaf
6. Moma's Fluff
7. Brenda's Coconut Cake
8. Brenda's London Broil
9. Teri's Yorkshire Pudding
10. Teri's Macaroni & Cheese
It's funny to read this list now, considering it's been YEARS since I've had more than 70% of the foods I've listed. Oh, what I would give to taste them today.
Damn. Now I'm hungry.
12.08.2007
the trees
I’m not sure that, ever in my whole life, have I experienced something more beautiful. The crisp wind blowing so gently through the trees. Magnificent trees. Trees that could tell us decades of stories. Stories we could never begin to imagine. Stories not of death, but of life. Of the life that surrounds them. The life of those that left us behind.
As the sun peaks through the clouds, and shines just for a second on the grounds below the trees, I imagine a child chasing that flurry of red and orange leaves across the grass. It’s so quiet. The only sounds you can hear is that of the wind in the trees and the faint chirps of a bird hiding somewhere. I watch as family and friends come and go. Not one paying any attention to the other. It’s poinsettia season. A sea of red patches covers the green grass, still damp from the morning’s rain. It’s quite festive actually. I imagine the trees must love this time of year.
I sit there for what seems like hours. Nothing has ever felt so peaceful. So safe. I sit there wishing I wasn’t alone. Wishing I was sharing this beautiful moment with someone. Wishing I didn’t miss her so, so very much. Wishing that I didn’t miss her more every year, every day.
So often, I find myself wondering if she is proud of me. If she thinks I am beautiful. If she can hear me when I talk to her. I wonder if she knows how much I miss her. Just once, I wish I could hear her say she is proud of me. That she thinks I am beautiful. That she is with me. Just once.
As I lay, watching the clouds pass over, noticing the sky get darker, the wind whispers in my ear, “Never settle.” I don’t understand what that means to me today. But I am confident that the day those words are supposed to be clear to me, I will know she was here. She was here the whole time. I wasn’t alone. She was sitting with me, listening to my cries, drying my tears, and encouraging my dreams.
It was in that very moment that tiny drops of rain started to fall from the sky. And I sat there. Just sat there. Coincidence? Maybe. But I’d like to believe it was just her confirming she was watching over me.
We may not ever understand the world we live in. Or ever get life’s questions answered. But we must believe that there is a reason for everything. And have hope that one day we will understand. And we will get our answers.
Until then, the trees will always be there to listen.
As the sun peaks through the clouds, and shines just for a second on the grounds below the trees, I imagine a child chasing that flurry of red and orange leaves across the grass. It’s so quiet. The only sounds you can hear is that of the wind in the trees and the faint chirps of a bird hiding somewhere. I watch as family and friends come and go. Not one paying any attention to the other. It’s poinsettia season. A sea of red patches covers the green grass, still damp from the morning’s rain. It’s quite festive actually. I imagine the trees must love this time of year.
I sit there for what seems like hours. Nothing has ever felt so peaceful. So safe. I sit there wishing I wasn’t alone. Wishing I was sharing this beautiful moment with someone. Wishing I didn’t miss her so, so very much. Wishing that I didn’t miss her more every year, every day.
So often, I find myself wondering if she is proud of me. If she thinks I am beautiful. If she can hear me when I talk to her. I wonder if she knows how much I miss her. Just once, I wish I could hear her say she is proud of me. That she thinks I am beautiful. That she is with me. Just once.
As I lay, watching the clouds pass over, noticing the sky get darker, the wind whispers in my ear, “Never settle.” I don’t understand what that means to me today. But I am confident that the day those words are supposed to be clear to me, I will know she was here. She was here the whole time. I wasn’t alone. She was sitting with me, listening to my cries, drying my tears, and encouraging my dreams.
It was in that very moment that tiny drops of rain started to fall from the sky. And I sat there. Just sat there. Coincidence? Maybe. But I’d like to believe it was just her confirming she was watching over me.
We may not ever understand the world we live in. Or ever get life’s questions answered. But we must believe that there is a reason for everything. And have hope that one day we will understand. And we will get our answers.
Until then, the trees will always be there to listen.
3.24.2007
life is a choice
I think we often lose sight of what this world is really all about. We get so wrapped up in ourselves and satisfying our wants, that we forget who we really are and why we are here.
This world is so much bigger than us. Even bigger than we can imagine. We're only in this body for such a short time that we must make the very best of what life throws our way. We must not waste a single second. Everything we do, every choice we make, every word we speak - must count for something.
And sometimes it just takes one person to open your eyes to this. One person that has been there all along. One person that really gets it. One person that you understand better than you even understand yourself. And your life may never be the same.
Life is more than this. Make the most of the time you're given.
Thank you, Jason. Thank you for believing. And thank you for saving me. You may not know it, but you did.
This world is so much bigger than us. Even bigger than we can imagine. We're only in this body for such a short time that we must make the very best of what life throws our way. We must not waste a single second. Everything we do, every choice we make, every word we speak - must count for something.
And sometimes it just takes one person to open your eyes to this. One person that has been there all along. One person that really gets it. One person that you understand better than you even understand yourself. And your life may never be the same.
Life is more than this. Make the most of the time you're given.
Thank you, Jason. Thank you for believing. And thank you for saving me. You may not know it, but you did.
1.01.2007
the year of bond
That's right, folks. Welcome to 2007.
What a party last night! Definitely one of the highlights of 2006. No drama. No cops. Just fun. And killer music. Loose Canon played an amazing set. I tell you, those boys just get better and better. I am more impressed with them each show. And so proud at how far they've come. What a wonderful way to ring in the new year.
Tomorrow is back to the real world. No more holidays off for a while.
Time to put my resolutions into actions. Time to make a change.
What a party last night! Definitely one of the highlights of 2006. No drama. No cops. Just fun. And killer music. Loose Canon played an amazing set. I tell you, those boys just get better and better. I am more impressed with them each show. And so proud at how far they've come. What a wonderful way to ring in the new year.
Tomorrow is back to the real world. No more holidays off for a while.
Time to put my resolutions into actions. Time to make a change.
12.31.2006
ringing in 2007
Posting early tonight. Loose Canon is playing a show in the complex courtyard tonight. Hell yeah. I hope they don't get shut down. I don't have to leave my porch and I am going to get one hell of a show. I hope they have a good surprise in store (or a few).
On a separate note, I am so glad tonight is the last official day of Holidailies. Whoohoo! Now I can post when I want to and how much I want to. Although it was kind of fun to challenge myself throughout December.
Here's a toast to the year past and the memories we've made. And a toast to the year to come and the memories we've yet to create.
Live. Laugh. Love. Be well.
On a separate note, I am so glad tonight is the last official day of Holidailies. Whoohoo! Now I can post when I want to and how much I want to. Although it was kind of fun to challenge myself throughout December.
Here's a toast to the year past and the memories we've made. And a toast to the year to come and the memories we've yet to create.
Live. Laugh. Love. Be well.
12.30.2006
we put the "fun" in dysfunctional
I love my family. You know, like every family, we have our ups and downs. We have our disagreements, arguments, blow-outs, etc., etc. But we always stand by one another. We love each other. We make it work.
We decided in mid-2006, that instead of exchanging birthday gifts with one another, we were going to let the person whose birthday it is pick where they want to eat. We will make it a family outing and everyone attending chips in on the birthday person's meal. Genius. It's quite fun actually. We get to try new restaurants and the birthday person gets to eat for free at their favorite place!
Tonight: Kole's (late) birthday dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory.
I tell you what. When my birthday comes along, we are going our for SUSHI!!! Oh yeah. Most of my family doesn't eat sushi, but it doesn't matter. I get to pick. They can order chicken teriyaki or something. I'm gettin' me some sushi.
Speaking of birthdays... am I really going to be 27 this year?!
Yep. I sure am.
Wow.
We decided in mid-2006, that instead of exchanging birthday gifts with one another, we were going to let the person whose birthday it is pick where they want to eat. We will make it a family outing and everyone attending chips in on the birthday person's meal. Genius. It's quite fun actually. We get to try new restaurants and the birthday person gets to eat for free at their favorite place!
I tell you what. When my birthday comes along, we are going our for SUSHI!!! Oh yeah. Most of my family doesn't eat sushi, but it doesn't matter. I get to pick. They can order chicken teriyaki or something. I'm gettin' me some sushi.
Speaking of birthdays... am I really going to be 27 this year?!
Yep. I sure am.
Wow.
12.29.2006
mac and cheese
This is comedy. I am still pretty sick. Still talking through my nose. Still only able to hear out of one ear. But dammit I can laugh. Kathie came over tonight. I tell you, I could be in the hospital, my life about to end, and Kathie could make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. It's really nice to have once of those friends. It's even nicer when she is drunk and she is a true comedian. I'm sure it wouldn't be funny if I was drunk. But it feels really great to be able to laugh when I've felt so crappy for the past week.
Thank goodness for second best friends.
Thank goodness for second best friends.
12.28.2006
random nothingness
Things I just feel like saying...
* I watched Little Miss Sunshine tonight. LOVED it. I wanna watch it again.
* I watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest tonight. I was very disappointed.
* I am ready to feel well again. I am tired of wanting to sleep all day.
* I can't believe that New Year's Eve is only three days away.
* I hope I feel better before New Year's Eve.
* I love playing board games.
* Incubus' new album Light Grenades will change your life.
* Clinique's Facial Soap for oily skin is amazing.
* I will be so glad when December is over. This Holidailies thing is working me.
* I watched Little Miss Sunshine tonight. LOVED it. I wanna watch it again.
* I watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest tonight. I was very disappointed.
* I am ready to feel well again. I am tired of wanting to sleep all day.
* I can't believe that New Year's Eve is only three days away.
* I hope I feel better before New Year's Eve.
* I love playing board games.
* Incubus' new album Light Grenades will change your life.
* Clinique's Facial Soap for oily skin is amazing.
* I will be so glad when December is over. This Holidailies thing is working me.
12.27.2006
it's a love/hate relationship
I hate having a sore throat, runny nose and head congestion. I hate waking up in the middle of the night in a coughing fit. I hate having so much pressure in my head that my ears hurt. I hate getting out of breath just walking to the bathroom. I hate only being able to breathe through my mouth. I hate having chapped lips because I can only breathe through my mouth. I hate having watery eyes, or better yet, only one watery eye.
Simply put - I hate being sick.
But I do love me some Kleenex with Lotion. Thank the heavens above for that.
Simply put - I hate being sick.
But I do love me some Kleenex with Lotion. Thank the heavens above for that.
12.26.2006
it's all fun and games
Another picture today. An old friend came in from Arizona tonight. We have a tradition to play UNO everytime we hang out, though tonight we did not play as long as we usually do. I'd rather argue with him.
12.25.2006
and a merry christmas it was
Already proudly wearing a gift from Moma...
Merry Christmas! I hope Santa was as good to everyone else as he was to me.
Merry Christmas! I hope Santa was as good to everyone else as he was to me.
12.24.2006
...'cause santa claus comes tonight
It's really hard to believe it's Christmas Eve. Unbelievable. I'm done cooking. I'm done wrapping. I'm ready to celebrate!
The kids are opening their traditional Christmas Eve gift. Ahhh... to be a kid again. I remember getting to open a gift on Christmas Eve. I always had the gift picked out days in advance. I knew exactly which one I wanted to open early. These kids don't really care which one they open, they just want to open something.
I love Christmas. I really do. I love every aspect of it. Even the lack of parking at the malls.
Best wishes to all for a safe and happy Christmas.
P.S. Dear Santa - I have been really good this year.
The kids are opening their traditional Christmas Eve gift. Ahhh... to be a kid again. I remember getting to open a gift on Christmas Eve. I always had the gift picked out days in advance. I knew exactly which one I wanted to open early. These kids don't really care which one they open, they just want to open something.
I love Christmas. I really do. I love every aspect of it. Even the lack of parking at the malls.
Best wishes to all for a safe and happy Christmas.
P.S. Dear Santa - I have been really good this year.
12.23.2006
gettin' down to the wire
I am exhausted. It was quite a long night last night. The drama went on 'till almost three o'clock in the morning. At least things seem to have calmed down now. I didn't sleep well at all. I woke up early, got ready and headed up to Molly's. We spent the afternoon together, went to lunch and did our gift exchange. I also dealt with a flat tire late this afternoon while I was visiting Molly. Fun, fun!
When I came home this evening, home being Aunt Sherry's house (where I am staying for the weekend), I wasn't home for 30 minutes and then I was back out the door to finish up my shopping. Went to the grocery store to buy the stuff to make the pumpkin dip and two batches of fudge. Then headed to Target to get some stocking stuffers.
Now I'm home. And I'm ready for bed. Seriously ready for bed. I am going to sleep good tonight. Sweet dreams, my friends.
When I came home this evening, home being Aunt Sherry's house (where I am staying for the weekend), I wasn't home for 30 minutes and then I was back out the door to finish up my shopping. Went to the grocery store to buy the stuff to make the pumpkin dip and two batches of fudge. Then headed to Target to get some stocking stuffers.
Now I'm home. And I'm ready for bed. Seriously ready for bed. I am going to sleep good tonight. Sweet dreams, my friends.
12.22.2006
d.r.a.m.a.
Ugh! I guess it wouldn't be the holidays without a little bit of family drama. Or in my case, a LOT of drama. Tonight my Aunt Sherry had her Yule party. And a party it was. We played Drinko, a drunken twist on The Price Is Right's Plinko. A few of us had a little but too much to drink and things got a little crazy. A LOT crazy.
It's almost midnight now, things have calmed down quite a bit. But for a while there I wasn't sure things were going to turn out so good.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring to light a lesson learned. And not just hang-overs for us all.
It's almost midnight now, things have calmed down quite a bit. But for a while there I wasn't sure things were going to turn out so good.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring to light a lesson learned. And not just hang-overs for us all.
12.21.2006
we must use time as a tool, not as a crutch.
I've got little time tonight, which is good because I don't have a lot to say. I've got to go wrap a kabillion presents. Well not really a kabillion, but a LOT. I will have no time the next few days. Well, no free time.
Tomorrow night is Aunt Sherry's Yule party. It's also payday. So that means I get to finish all my last-minute shopping. Saturday morning I am meeting with Molly to do our gift exchange. Then going straight from Molly's to meet with Joann and the kids for lunch. Saturday night I am going to the JAC show in PB. Then freakin' Sunday is Christmas Eve. Sunday. Ugh! I wish I had at least an extra day. Or wish I could at least take tomorrow off. I think I might try to go in again early so I can leave early. That would help with lack of time.
So good luck to all you last-minute shoppers. And be safe out there on the streets. 'Tis the season for the crazies.
NOTE: Today's title brought to you by John F. Kennedy
Tomorrow night is Aunt Sherry's Yule party. It's also payday. So that means I get to finish all my last-minute shopping. Saturday morning I am meeting with Molly to do our gift exchange. Then going straight from Molly's to meet with Joann and the kids for lunch. Saturday night I am going to the JAC show in PB. Then freakin' Sunday is Christmas Eve. Sunday. Ugh! I wish I had at least an extra day. Or wish I could at least take tomorrow off. I think I might try to go in again early so I can leave early. That would help with lack of time.
So good luck to all you last-minute shoppers. And be safe out there on the streets. 'Tis the season for the crazies.
NOTE: Today's title brought to you by John F. Kennedy
12.20.2006
picture me
I kind of like the idea of posting a new picture everyday. I am participating in the 365days Challenge on Flickr, where I post a new self-portrait everyday for 365 consecutive days. Today was day 34. Only day 34. Crazy. I think it might be kind of cool to write about a new picture each day. Not necessarily my 365days shot, but a new picture. I figure this will also help with the lack of writing inspiration. Let's give it a shot!
There is peace and rest and comfort in sorrow. ~ Soren Kierkegaard
Twelve Christmas' without you. It's not getting any easier.
Merry Christmas, Nanny. I love you.
Twelve Christmas' without you. It's not getting any easier.
Merry Christmas, Nanny. I love you.
12.19.2006
they're heeeere...
Whoohoo!!! Moma and Bret are HOME!!! I can't believe it. It feels like they are just visiting. I just can't believe they're back for good!
I went over to see them after my Holiday visit with Heaven and Presley this evening. I can't wait to actually spend some real, quality time with them. I am going into work early tomorrow, so that I can leave early in the afternoon. I'm not sure what we are going to do, but I really don't care. It's going to be so nice just to be with my Moma again. I missed her so damn much.
This is going to be the best Christmas EVER! ♥
I went over to see them after my Holiday visit with Heaven and Presley this evening. I can't wait to actually spend some real, quality time with them. I am going into work early tomorrow, so that I can leave early in the afternoon. I'm not sure what we are going to do, but I really don't care. It's going to be so nice just to be with my Moma again. I missed her so damn much.
This is going to be the best Christmas EVER! ♥
12.18.2006
i don't know how much longer i can do this
12.17.2006
i failed already.
OK. So today was supposed to be the kick-off of my new blogging goal. Yea, that didn't go so well. I wanted to have something prepared and well thought out. I wanted to post earlier in the day. And here I am again, almost 11 PM, with nothing solid to write about.
At least it was a productive day. I woke up pretty early again today. Did some cleaning, uploaded pictures to Flickr, made seven batches of fudge for Office gifts, and wrapped Presley's Christmas present. Kathie came over late this afternoon just to hang out. I ate some yummy Mexican food for dinner. And watched The Zodiac - a movie based on the true events of the Zodiac Killer. Since Emily told me the history of the Zodiac Killer, I have formed a slight fascination with the story. For the Secret Santa gift exchange, Emily gave me the DVD movie. **shivers**
Time to watch the Survivor finale. I didn't get a chance to watch it live, just too much going on. Can't wait to see who wins! I'm hoping for Ozzy, that guy is the greatest player I have ever seen.
Oh yeah... Go Chargers! 20-9 against Kansas City. I'm not a sports fan at all, but I gotta be a cheerleader for my hometown team! Whoohoo!!!
At least it was a productive day. I woke up pretty early again today. Did some cleaning, uploaded pictures to Flickr, made seven batches of fudge for Office gifts, and wrapped Presley's Christmas present. Kathie came over late this afternoon just to hang out. I ate some yummy Mexican food for dinner. And watched The Zodiac - a movie based on the true events of the Zodiac Killer. Since Emily told me the history of the Zodiac Killer, I have formed a slight fascination with the story. For the Secret Santa gift exchange, Emily gave me the DVD movie. **shivers**
Time to watch the Survivor finale. I didn't get a chance to watch it live, just too much going on. Can't wait to see who wins! I'm hoping for Ozzy, that guy is the greatest player I have ever seen.
Oh yeah... Go Chargers! 20-9 against Kansas City. I'm not a sports fan at all, but I gotta be a cheerleader for my hometown team! Whoohoo!!!
12.16.2006
an aunt grows more precious as time goes by
What a busy, busy day. I woke up with the sunrise this morning. I was ready and out of the house before 8:30 AM. On my day off. Why? Because I was spending the day with my Aunt Sherry.
Since I moved down to OB, I have been able to spend a lot more time with my family, which has been really good for me. Not just to strengthen the bond between us, but also it helps me deal with my Moma being so far away. I have especially become very close to my Aunt Sherry. Her and I have so much fun together. Mostly shopping. We both LOVE to shop. LOVE. We are always going out to eat. I mean, I partied in Vegas with my Aunt. And I had a blast! Not very many people can say that.
So to the best Aunt in the world: Thanks for mothering me a little and befriending me a lot. Love you!
Since I moved down to OB, I have been able to spend a lot more time with my family, which has been really good for me. Not just to strengthen the bond between us, but also it helps me deal with my Moma being so far away. I have especially become very close to my Aunt Sherry. Her and I have so much fun together. Mostly shopping. We both LOVE to shop. LOVE. We are always going out to eat. I mean, I partied in Vegas with my Aunt. And I had a blast! Not very many people can say that.
So to the best Aunt in the world: Thanks for mothering me a little and befriending me a lot. Love you!
12.15.2006
you can't make this stuff up
Today is officially Reveal Your Blog Crush Day. I only read a handful of blogs on a regular basis, but I do have a favorite. I started reading you can't make this stuff up back in mid-November. Moma sent me a link to the 11.11.2006 post, titled I just realized, I'm old. I think Moma must have stumbled upon the posting through the NaBloPoMo challenge, since they were both participating. That's the day I discovered Marit's world. And I've been visiting religiously every since.
I have only commented once, that day, in fact. I'm not much of a commenter on any blog I read, except The Write Coast. But I tell you. Marit and I could definitely be good friends. We seem to be so much alike. Her brother likes Phish. She's a young woman still out there having fun, but obviously cares about developing her career and making choices today that will positively effect the future. Both of our livers are getting worked on a regular basis. We both love IKEA. We both love our computers. Her Dad is better than my Dad. She writes the way I think. I could go on and on.
I can relate to her. I just get her. It's awesome to know that someone else out there is on the same wave length.
12.14.2006
are we there yet?
This Holidailies thing is pretty hard. I must say, I really didn't know what I signed up for. I need to think ahead and plan out what I want to write about. It's probably not the best idea to sit down at my computer every night and just stare at the screen until something comes to me. I should be using the writing prompts. I should be writing about what I had intended to write about. But, no. I'm a busy girl these days. I really can't even imagine how I would have made it through working two jobs this year. No way.
Anyway, I am making a goal for myself. I've got to change the way I am doing this or I am not going to make it through the next 17 days. I'm sure it will help that all the OB crew will be going home for Christmas, but I need a plan. Starting Sunday I am going to start posting earlier in the evening. I am going to think about what I am about to write. I'm going to have depth to my posts.
And, Moma - before you say anything - I know there are no rules to the material I post. I'm doing this for me. To challenge myself.
Those creative juices aren't flowing yet.
Anyway, I am making a goal for myself. I've got to change the way I am doing this or I am not going to make it through the next 17 days. I'm sure it will help that all the OB crew will be going home for Christmas, but I need a plan. Starting Sunday I am going to start posting earlier in the evening. I am going to think about what I am about to write. I'm going to have depth to my posts.
And, Moma - before you say anything - I know there are no rules to the material I post. I'm doing this for me. To challenge myself.
Those creative juices aren't flowing yet.
12.13.2006
love thy neighbor
Just a picture tonight. The party turned out so well. We had so much fun. The food was incredible. I have the best friends ever.
12.12.2006
callin' it a night
I have got to get to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. I am going to try to get up early and get to work at least an hour earlier so I can leave earlier.
Tomorrow night is our "OB Bash". A group of us, here in the complex, decided to have a small get-together and dinner. We drew names last week for the Secret Santa gift exchange. Although, it's not much a secret anymore - we aren't very good at secrets around here. We have dinner all planned out. Emily is making the appetizer, I am in charge of the main course, Keri is baking yummy desert, and the boys are in charge of alcohol. It's going to be a great feast and good times! The apartment looks so festive and clean. I can't wait!
I just need to make sure I have enough time tomorrow night make dinner and get ready before everyone gets here. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little stressed out. But I'm sure it will be fine. It always is.
So off to bed I go. Hopefully I can actually fall asleep this early.
Tomorrow night is our "OB Bash". A group of us, here in the complex, decided to have a small get-together and dinner. We drew names last week for the Secret Santa gift exchange. Although, it's not much a secret anymore - we aren't very good at secrets around here. We have dinner all planned out. Emily is making the appetizer, I am in charge of the main course, Keri is baking yummy desert, and the boys are in charge of alcohol. It's going to be a great feast and good times! The apartment looks so festive and clean. I can't wait!
I just need to make sure I have enough time tomorrow night make dinner and get ready before everyone gets here. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little stressed out. But I'm sure it will be fine. It always is.
So off to bed I go. Hopefully I can actually fall asleep this early.
12.11.2006
running out of time
I have way too much to do. Way. Way. Too Much.
No order, just the way it came to me...
* Clean my room - I haven't done anything in the way of cleaning, or even putting away for that matter, since I got home from Las Vegas after Thanksgiving. I haven't even slept on my bed for the past two nights. My back can not handle another night on the couch.
* Finish Christmas shopping for Presley and Office gifts. Whoohoo! Then I'll be done!
* Meet up with Heaven on Tuesday the 19th to do our Christmas.
* Work Holiday Luncheon also on the 19th.
* Exchange Christian's gift for a different size. Damn, I forgot to do that before I left Old Navy!
* Make fudge. I have planned to make it for all the people in my office, but I don't think that is going to happen. I just don't think I can afford that.
* Do laundry. Great, that means I need to go get quarters. Ugh!
* Take Jessica's gift to Sherry's. I don't see how it will get to New Zealand before Christmas. Oh well, it's not like they are just waiting on me to mail it.
* Have Ashley fix large snowflake.
* Send Christmas list to Sherry and Ashley.
* Get money order for Rich's gift. Mail.
* Finish my Christmas cards. Mail.
* Meet up with Molly to do gift exchange. Sometime after the 21st.
* Mentally prepare for getting my cavities filled on Thursday. My first cavities!
* Find out what I need to bring to Christmas. Food? Games?
* Make dinner on Wednesday night for OB Bash. I think I'm going to have to leave work early on Wednesday to do this. Especially if Keri and I are both planning on being it the kitchen.
* Collect and organize stuff for CCC appointment.
* Make new CCC appointment. Damn me for not making it on time to my appointment last Friday!
* Wrap presents. Many, many presents.
* Clean out e-mail. I haven't gone through it since early November.
* Be sure to take and post a new picture every day for the 365 Days Flickr group.
* Come up with something to write every day.
* Go to the Sprint store to have them look at my phone.
I think that's it. Well, actually, probably not. Funny.
No order, just the way it came to me...
* Clean my room - I haven't done anything in the way of cleaning, or even putting away for that matter, since I got home from Las Vegas after Thanksgiving. I haven't even slept on my bed for the past two nights. My back can not handle another night on the couch.
* Finish Christmas shopping for Presley and Office gifts. Whoohoo! Then I'll be done!
* Meet up with Heaven on Tuesday the 19th to do our Christmas.
* Work Holiday Luncheon also on the 19th.
* Exchange Christian's gift for a different size. Damn, I forgot to do that before I left Old Navy!
* Make fudge. I have planned to make it for all the people in my office, but I don't think that is going to happen. I just don't think I can afford that.
* Do laundry. Great, that means I need to go get quarters. Ugh!
* Take Jessica's gift to Sherry's. I don't see how it will get to New Zealand before Christmas. Oh well, it's not like they are just waiting on me to mail it.
* Have Ashley fix large snowflake.
* Send Christmas list to Sherry and Ashley.
* Get money order for Rich's gift. Mail.
* Finish my Christmas cards. Mail.
* Meet up with Molly to do gift exchange. Sometime after the 21st.
* Mentally prepare for getting my cavities filled on Thursday. My first cavities!
* Find out what I need to bring to Christmas. Food? Games?
* Make dinner on Wednesday night for OB Bash. I think I'm going to have to leave work early on Wednesday to do this. Especially if Keri and I are both planning on being it the kitchen.
* Collect and organize stuff for CCC appointment.
* Make new CCC appointment. Damn me for not making it on time to my appointment last Friday!
* Wrap presents. Many, many presents.
* Clean out e-mail. I haven't gone through it since early November.
* Be sure to take and post a new picture every day for the 365 Days Flickr group.
* Come up with something to write every day.
* Go to the Sprint store to have them look at my phone.
I think that's it. Well, actually, probably not. Funny.
12.10.2006
season's googlings
Thanks to The Write Coast - I've got an easy post today. Whew....
1. Google for Christmas (or the December holiday of your choice) plus your year of birth.
2. Post the most charming picture you can find.
3. Get misty with nostalgia over hot cocoa and peppermint cookies.
I'm sure this is a very special picture for this child. It's important to hang on to those special memories. Sometimes it's all that gets us by.
1. Google for Christmas (or the December holiday of your choice) plus your year of birth.
2. Post the most charming picture you can find.
3. Get misty with nostalgia over hot cocoa and peppermint cookies.
I'm sure this is a very special picture for this child. It's important to hang on to those special memories. Sometimes it's all that gets us by.
12.09.2006
12.08.2006
it's beginning to look a lot like christmas
Today was good. Today was payday - that's always good. We bought our Christmas tree today. What a steal - $19.99 at Target! She's a very beautiful Douglas Fir, a little on the smaller side - about five feet. But she fits perfectly in our apartment. She's very hydrated, very green and she smells SO good. When you walk into our apartment - whoohoo - joy to the world!
We bought pretty lights this year, too. Little ball lights, not your average generic Christmas tree lights. You know, you got to do what makes you feel good.
And right now we are on our way to the Loose Canon show. The last one of the year. It's going to be killer. I've already had two margaritas. Mmmmmmmm.
Good thing we're walking.
We bought pretty lights this year, too. Little ball lights, not your average generic Christmas tree lights. You know, you got to do what makes you feel good.
And right now we are on our way to the Loose Canon show. The last one of the year. It's going to be killer. I've already had two margaritas. Mmmmmmmm.
Good thing we're walking.
12.07.2006
makin' a list ... checkin' it twice
In honor of my Moma's birthday today... drumroll please... my first list! And what better subject to base my first list on... my Moma!!!
So today folks you find out why I have the best Mother on the planet:
1. No matter how bad things were, she made sure I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table. ALWAYS.
2. She went through hell to get me my most treasured possession - my Cabbage Patch Kid, Lucie Jane.
3. She allowed me to form my own opinions on music at a very early age. As I got older, even though she didn't necessarily like what I liked, she allowed me to listen to the music that made me happy. And listen to it LOUD.
4. And while I'm on the subject... She took me to my very first concert, on my ninth birthday - Bon Jovi and Skid Row. Still one of the happiest birthdays of my life.
5. She empowered me to be an independent young woman. And showed me, by example, that I could stand on my own to feet.
6. She always let me choose my own friends and learn on my own to separate my REAL friends from those I thought were my friends.
7. She has always encouraged me to be ME. Even from a young age... do my make-up the way I wanted, have my hair style the way I wanted, dress the way I wanted. Don't get me wrong, she didn't always like it, but she always let me learn on my own.
8. She always listens to me. It may not be anything she is interested in or I may be rambling about nothing at all, but I know she will always listen to me if I need to talk. Even when I call twice a day, every day.
9. She has always reminded me that no matter how crappy my Dad made me feel, he does love me and always will.
10. She got it right the second time around. Marrying Bret and bringing him into my life has been such a blessing. He has become the Dad I always wanted. And that means more than I could ever express.
I, honestly, couldn't have asked for a better Mother. She raised me well and I hope that someday I will be at least half the Mother she has been to me.
I love you, Moma! Happy Birthday! xoxo
So today folks you find out why I have the best Mother on the planet:
1. No matter how bad things were, she made sure I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table. ALWAYS.
2. She went through hell to get me my most treasured possession - my Cabbage Patch Kid, Lucie Jane.
3. She allowed me to form my own opinions on music at a very early age. As I got older, even though she didn't necessarily like what I liked, she allowed me to listen to the music that made me happy. And listen to it LOUD.
4. And while I'm on the subject... She took me to my very first concert, on my ninth birthday - Bon Jovi and Skid Row. Still one of the happiest birthdays of my life.
5. She empowered me to be an independent young woman. And showed me, by example, that I could stand on my own to feet.
6. She always let me choose my own friends and learn on my own to separate my REAL friends from those I thought were my friends.
7. She has always encouraged me to be ME. Even from a young age... do my make-up the way I wanted, have my hair style the way I wanted, dress the way I wanted. Don't get me wrong, she didn't always like it, but she always let me learn on my own.
8. She always listens to me. It may not be anything she is interested in or I may be rambling about nothing at all, but I know she will always listen to me if I need to talk. Even when I call twice a day, every day.
9. She has always reminded me that no matter how crappy my Dad made me feel, he does love me and always will.
10. She got it right the second time around. Marrying Bret and bringing him into my life has been such a blessing. He has become the Dad I always wanted. And that means more than I could ever express.
I, honestly, couldn't have asked for a better Mother. She raised me well and I hope that someday I will be at least half the Mother she has been to me.
I love you, Moma! Happy Birthday! xoxo
12.06.2006
home is where the heart is
Today was a very hard day for me. I'm experiencing a lot of emotions right now that are playing tug-o-war with my heart. From feeling over-joyed to feeling like I was hit by a bus. Back and forth, back and forth.
This morning I forwarded the conversations with Jena to my Dad's work e-mail. I had to. He needed to know. It was time to put an end to my pain.
Hi, Dad! I wanted to forward this to you because, should Jena bring this up (if she hasn't already), I wanted you to know the whole story. Not just what she has to say about it. I'm sure this isn't going to please you, but I wanted you to know how it really went down and how I really feel about the situation. I am not asking you to get involved, I am simply informing you. Jena is almost an adult, I assume she makes her own decisions at this point. I do not want her to feel that a relationship with me is forced upon her, but I want her to come to me because she wants to. She just needs to understand that you simply cannot ignore your family and then out-of-the-blue hope they can help you with a discount. Life doesn't work that way.
I hope you are proud of me for handling this the way I did. I did my very best to handle this maturely and responsibly, but to also get my point across. If you want to talk to me about the situation, I'm welcome to it. But please don't call me if you are going to yell at me and criticize me. I ask you to please, like I did with Jena, think about what you want to say to me before you call (if you call).
Daddy, I love you very much. And I miss you more than you can even imagine. I hope some day things will be different between us. Better.
And the response I got, one hour and four minutes later:
Juli, I'm very saddened by all this,Dad
So now I deal with this. Whatever "this" is. I needed to do something that was going to calm me down. Make me feel (at least a little bit) better. So today on my lunchbreak I went to the cemetery. I drove 35 minutes there just to spend 10 minutes in peace. It was the best 10 minutes of my day. Then I turned my car around and drove 35 minutes back to work.
I need my Nanny. I always go to her when I have problems with my Dad. These days she's a pretty good listener. I know these situations make her so sad, but sometimes I feel like I can just spill to her and it's ok. I know she can hear me. I know that she is there. But I miss her so much. I realized today that it has been 12 years since she died. 12 years. And I still miss her as much as I did the first.
I left the cemetery feeling a little better than I did, but not near as well as I wanted to. I cried nearly all day. I really hope that I did the right thing. I feel like I did. But why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel like I brought on more pain?
I just wish my Nanny was here to tell me I did the right thing.
This morning I forwarded the conversations with Jena to my Dad's work e-mail. I had to. He needed to know. It was time to put an end to my pain.
Hi, Dad! I wanted to forward this to you because, should Jena bring this up (if she hasn't already), I wanted you to know the whole story. Not just what she has to say about it. I'm sure this isn't going to please you, but I wanted you to know how it really went down and how I really feel about the situation. I am not asking you to get involved, I am simply informing you. Jena is almost an adult, I assume she makes her own decisions at this point. I do not want her to feel that a relationship with me is forced upon her, but I want her to come to me because she wants to. She just needs to understand that you simply cannot ignore your family and then out-of-the-blue hope they can help you with a discount. Life doesn't work that way.
I hope you are proud of me for handling this the way I did. I did my very best to handle this maturely and responsibly, but to also get my point across. If you want to talk to me about the situation, I'm welcome to it. But please don't call me if you are going to yell at me and criticize me. I ask you to please, like I did with Jena, think about what you want to say to me before you call (if you call).
Daddy, I love you very much. And I miss you more than you can even imagine. I hope some day things will be different between us. Better.
And the response I got, one hour and four minutes later:
Juli, I'm very saddened by all this,Dad
So now I deal with this. Whatever "this" is. I needed to do something that was going to calm me down. Make me feel (at least a little bit) better. So today on my lunchbreak I went to the cemetery. I drove 35 minutes there just to spend 10 minutes in peace. It was the best 10 minutes of my day. Then I turned my car around and drove 35 minutes back to work.
I need my Nanny. I always go to her when I have problems with my Dad. These days she's a pretty good listener. I know these situations make her so sad, but sometimes I feel like I can just spill to her and it's ok. I know she can hear me. I know that she is there. But I miss her so much. I realized today that it has been 12 years since she died. 12 years. And I still miss her as much as I did the first.
I left the cemetery feeling a little better than I did, but not near as well as I wanted to. I cried nearly all day. I really hope that I did the right thing. I feel like I did. But why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel like I brought on more pain?
I just wish my Nanny was here to tell me I did the right thing.
12.05.2006
'tis the f*ing season
On Thursday I received a MySpace message from my half-Sister, Jena. Before I get into the drama this message started, let me give you a little background... the short, clean version...
My Dad re-married when I was very young and had two daughters with his new wife, Teri. Jena will be 18 in March and Joell is just over 13. I haven't been very close to them their whole life. Not by choice. My Step-Mother and I have always been out on each other, and my Dad has no backbone to fight for me. So, needless to say there aren't very many happy memories spent with them. In fact, I could probably count them on one hand.
Anyway, I hadn't heard from Jena in almost one year. I had made a couple attempts to reach out to her this past year, but never heard back from her. Then this message came through the MySpace wire (please pardon any typos):
Date: Nov 30 2006 7:28 PM
Hi Juli,
I havent talked to you in a while. I hope you are doing well. Well i was going to go look at indash tvs for my bf for xmas at best buy, MAYBE cause i know they are outragesouly expensive but i was wondering if you still get a little discount if you would just let me know incase i could just save a little money cause i dont have much. Well hope to see you soon Jena
I started to respond right away. But stopped. Angry Juli was responding. I needed to wait, process what I was going to say. I thought about for a few days. I talked it out. I made sure that I wasn't going to regret what I said. Think before you act, Juli.
Date: Dec 5 2006 7:17 PM
I'm sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you, but I wanted to think about how I was going to respond. I thought at first about kindly responding to you with the discount policy. Then I realized by simply responding that way, you would think that it was acceptable for you to do this. And it's NOT. And here is my reasoning...
Jena over the past year, you have done all BUT act like you were a member of my family, much less acknowledge the fact that I am your SISTER. You never have responded to MySpace messages I sent you (the ones I sent with pictures) even though I saw that you read them. I was shocked, but delighted, that you sent me a Happy Halloween comment. It's pretty naive of you to assume that I would just jump at the chance to help you with a discount. After you can't even respond to a message when I call you out on only mentioning that you have one sibling in a bulletin? In multiple bulletins, for that matter.
So why now? Why do I suddenly exist to you?
Because you don't have a lot of money and would like me to use my discount for you? Welcome to the real world, Sister.
I know this is not the response you were expecting, nor was it the response I originally intended to send. But it's the truth. The harsh truth. Jena you have made zero effort to be my family, much less my Sister. I'm done being the only one that seems to care and want to actually have a relationship with my Sisters. I'm old enough now that I've realized I don't have to do this anymore. It just hurts too much.
I'm sure this message will piss you off. But ONE DAY you will realize how much I put up with and maybe that day you will realize you do have another Sister. One that loves you very much, and has only ever wanted the chance to BE your big Sister. I will ALWAYS be here for you and Joell. And my door will ALWAYS be open for you girls. I just hope that one day you give me that chance.
Hi Jena. It's nice to hear from you. I am doing well. Thanks for asking. I hope all is well for you, too. To answer your question - yes, I do get a discount but that unfortunately the policy changed in September and family members are no longer eligible to receive the discount.
(That's the response I was going to send.)
...Juli
Then I waited. Honestly, I wasn't even expecting Jena to respond. But she did.
Date: Dec 5 2006 9:12 PM
Well actually i have lots of money i have a job and make about 400 a week and i have paretns that give me money so no it didnt piss me off!!! and i dont think i should try when u are the older one u should be the one trying to show us how life is but thats ok... and to let u know dont be dissapointed that u dont get a ticket for my graduation cause i only get 6! Trust me i have had a great life and not one bit dissapointed with how my life has been or with what i have done. i have an amazing bf that my paretns adore and he adores joell and we are planning on getting married in a few years
Are you kidding me? Is she really going to go there? Is she trying to throw it in my face that her parents give her money? Is she trying to imply that I am not only not going to be invited to her Graduation, but to her wedding as well? This is unbelievable. Be mature, Juli. Don't stoop to her level.
Date: Dec 5 2006 9:17 PM
Well, it's obvious that you missed the point of the e-mail, Jena. I do want to point out that you did mention in your first e-mail that "i could just save a little money cause i dont have much." That is why I said that about the money. I know your parents give you money. That was never a question.
And as for be being the older one, so I should try... Honey I have. My whole life. I have always asked to come to your sporting events, no one ever told me about them. And if you remember, at Christmas last year, it was your friends (including Kenny) who did not even know who I was. I understand that they had never met me, but they were pretty confused that you even had another Sister. You may not remember that, Jena, but I do. I was very hurt. And it was very uncomfortable.
I know you have a great life, and I can see in your pictures that you have an incredible boyfriend that loves you very much. I honestly couldn't be happier for you. I NEVER have doubted that you had a good life or that you were ever disappointed with how your life has turned out. That has never been mentioned or implied. EVER.
And don't worry, I wasn't expecting an invitation to your Graduation. I was hoping, but not expecting. I've learned over the years never to expect anything.
It's wonderful that Dad and Teri love Kenny. And I am so glad to hear that he adores Joell. Like I mentioned above, I couldn't be happier for you. You will make a beautiful bride someday.
I love you, Jena! Despite what you may think. Despite how you may feel about me.
...Juli
I want so bad for this not to make me so sad. I am trying so hard to be the bigger person. I am trying so hard to handle this maturely. It sure is hard. I just wish she could understand what my life has been like.
Maybe someday.
My Dad re-married when I was very young and had two daughters with his new wife, Teri. Jena will be 18 in March and Joell is just over 13. I haven't been very close to them their whole life. Not by choice. My Step-Mother and I have always been out on each other, and my Dad has no backbone to fight for me. So, needless to say there aren't very many happy memories spent with them. In fact, I could probably count them on one hand.
Anyway, I hadn't heard from Jena in almost one year. I had made a couple attempts to reach out to her this past year, but never heard back from her. Then this message came through the MySpace wire (please pardon any typos):
Date: Nov 30 2006 7:28 PM
Hi Juli,
I havent talked to you in a while. I hope you are doing well. Well i was going to go look at indash tvs for my bf for xmas at best buy, MAYBE cause i know they are outragesouly expensive but i was wondering if you still get a little discount if you would just let me know incase i could just save a little money cause i dont have much. Well hope to see you soon Jena
I started to respond right away. But stopped. Angry Juli was responding. I needed to wait, process what I was going to say. I thought about for a few days. I talked it out. I made sure that I wasn't going to regret what I said. Think before you act, Juli.
Date: Dec 5 2006 7:17 PM
I'm sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you, but I wanted to think about how I was going to respond. I thought at first about kindly responding to you with the discount policy. Then I realized by simply responding that way, you would think that it was acceptable for you to do this. And it's NOT. And here is my reasoning...
Jena over the past year, you have done all BUT act like you were a member of my family, much less acknowledge the fact that I am your SISTER. You never have responded to MySpace messages I sent you (the ones I sent with pictures) even though I saw that you read them. I was shocked, but delighted, that you sent me a Happy Halloween comment. It's pretty naive of you to assume that I would just jump at the chance to help you with a discount. After you can't even respond to a message when I call you out on only mentioning that you have one sibling in a bulletin? In multiple bulletins, for that matter.
So why now? Why do I suddenly exist to you?
Because you don't have a lot of money and would like me to use my discount for you? Welcome to the real world, Sister.
I know this is not the response you were expecting, nor was it the response I originally intended to send. But it's the truth. The harsh truth. Jena you have made zero effort to be my family, much less my Sister. I'm done being the only one that seems to care and want to actually have a relationship with my Sisters. I'm old enough now that I've realized I don't have to do this anymore. It just hurts too much.
I'm sure this message will piss you off. But ONE DAY you will realize how much I put up with and maybe that day you will realize you do have another Sister. One that loves you very much, and has only ever wanted the chance to BE your big Sister. I will ALWAYS be here for you and Joell. And my door will ALWAYS be open for you girls. I just hope that one day you give me that chance.
Hi Jena. It's nice to hear from you. I am doing well. Thanks for asking. I hope all is well for you, too. To answer your question - yes, I do get a discount but that unfortunately the policy changed in September and family members are no longer eligible to receive the discount.
(That's the response I was going to send.)
...Juli
Then I waited. Honestly, I wasn't even expecting Jena to respond. But she did.
Date: Dec 5 2006 9:12 PM
Well actually i have lots of money i have a job and make about 400 a week and i have paretns that give me money so no it didnt piss me off!!! and i dont think i should try when u are the older one u should be the one trying to show us how life is but thats ok... and to let u know dont be dissapointed that u dont get a ticket for my graduation cause i only get 6! Trust me i have had a great life and not one bit dissapointed with how my life has been or with what i have done. i have an amazing bf that my paretns adore and he adores joell and we are planning on getting married in a few years
Are you kidding me? Is she really going to go there? Is she trying to throw it in my face that her parents give her money? Is she trying to imply that I am not only not going to be invited to her Graduation, but to her wedding as well? This is unbelievable. Be mature, Juli. Don't stoop to her level.
Date: Dec 5 2006 9:17 PM
Well, it's obvious that you missed the point of the e-mail, Jena. I do want to point out that you did mention in your first e-mail that "i could just save a little money cause i dont have much." That is why I said that about the money. I know your parents give you money. That was never a question.
And as for be being the older one, so I should try... Honey I have. My whole life. I have always asked to come to your sporting events, no one ever told me about them. And if you remember, at Christmas last year, it was your friends (including Kenny) who did not even know who I was. I understand that they had never met me, but they were pretty confused that you even had another Sister. You may not remember that, Jena, but I do. I was very hurt. And it was very uncomfortable.
I know you have a great life, and I can see in your pictures that you have an incredible boyfriend that loves you very much. I honestly couldn't be happier for you. I NEVER have doubted that you had a good life or that you were ever disappointed with how your life has turned out. That has never been mentioned or implied. EVER.
And don't worry, I wasn't expecting an invitation to your Graduation. I was hoping, but not expecting. I've learned over the years never to expect anything.
It's wonderful that Dad and Teri love Kenny. And I am so glad to hear that he adores Joell. Like I mentioned above, I couldn't be happier for you. You will make a beautiful bride someday.
I love you, Jena! Despite what you may think. Despite how you may feel about me.
...Juli
I want so bad for this not to make me so sad. I am trying so hard to be the bigger person. I am trying so hard to handle this maturely. It sure is hard. I just wish she could understand what my life has been like.
Maybe someday.
12.04.2006
lack there of
I have no inspiration to write today. I have been thinking all day about what I would write. I shouldn't have to do that. It should just come to me. It's not.
I really wish I could get just an ounce of the creativity I used to have. Actually, I'm pretty sure I still have it, it's just buried. I need to sit down one day, with no disturbances and distractions, and dig deep.
I miss it. I miss writing. I used to write all the time. I miss scrapbooking. I used to scrapbook all the time. I miss taking pictures. I used to take pictures all the time.
I miss me.
I really wish I could get just an ounce of the creativity I used to have. Actually, I'm pretty sure I still have it, it's just buried. I need to sit down one day, with no disturbances and distractions, and dig deep.
I miss it. I miss writing. I used to write all the time. I miss scrapbooking. I used to scrapbook all the time. I miss taking pictures. I used to take pictures all the time.
I miss me.
12.03.2006
eating my words
I realized when I was in Las Vegas last week that I really am turning into my Mother. I'm not saying that is a bad thing at all. It's just kind of weird for me. I guess I am really growing up.
It hit me when I started taking pictures of food. The one thing that used to, just mere months ago, annoy me to no-end. I would be so embarrassed when Moma would break out her camera in the middle of a meal, in the middle of a restaurant, just to get a picture of her plate. It was beyond me why anyone would want to take a picture of their food, much less post it for others to view. That is, until I became a member of Flickr and joined the Food Porn pool. It's so exciting to post your own picture and just see that others are looking at your work. Even if no one is commenting, it's nice to know others appreciate your work.
My first picture of food I took at the San Diego County Fair this past summer, a close-up look at the deep fried avocado. But the photo that made me realize I was becoming Moma I took at Baja Miguel's in Las Vegas - in the middle of a meal, in the middle of the restaurant. And I wasn't embarrassed. Not even a little bit. All I cared about was getting the perfect picture, a mouth-watering shot of the so-very-yummy chicken chimichanga.
And now I am participating in a blogging challenge? Seriously. What next?!
I give it a year before I am wanting a kitty. (But good gravy, I hope I'm wrong!)
It hit me when I started taking pictures of food. The one thing that used to, just mere months ago, annoy me to no-end. I would be so embarrassed when Moma would break out her camera in the middle of a meal, in the middle of a restaurant, just to get a picture of her plate. It was beyond me why anyone would want to take a picture of their food, much less post it for others to view. That is, until I became a member of Flickr and joined the Food Porn pool. It's so exciting to post your own picture and just see that others are looking at your work. Even if no one is commenting, it's nice to know others appreciate your work.
My first picture of food I took at the San Diego County Fair this past summer, a close-up look at the deep fried avocado. But the photo that made me realize I was becoming Moma I took at Baja Miguel's in Las Vegas - in the middle of a meal, in the middle of the restaurant. And I wasn't embarrassed. Not even a little bit. All I cared about was getting the perfect picture, a mouth-watering shot of the so-very-yummy chicken chimichanga.
And now I am participating in a blogging challenge? Seriously. What next?!
I give it a year before I am wanting a kitty. (But good gravy, I hope I'm wrong!)
12.02.2006
my social life is my second job
Today was a pretty eventful day for me. I mean, not really, but it was a day to remember.
I quit my job at Old Navy today. I just couldn't do it anymore. It was my second job, I was only working 12-16 hours a week. But working that on-top of my job with Best Buy. I took the job on because I wanted to earn some extra money and I wanted to see what else was out there. I didn't think about how hard it would be on me, not only physically, but emotionally. Over the past month, I have had very little of a social life and had become so exhausted. My health and my sanity are more important to me than the little bit of extra money I was making. I feel bad about it, but it's a decision I have to live with. And I did what was right for me.
Tonight was the OB Tree Parade. Never in my life have I ever had so much fun at a parade. Not your typical holiday parade. We've got your surfers parading for the Surfrider Foundation, your Yoga studio advertising a healthy lifestyle and free classes, and the first-ever appearance of the "OB Circus." It was quite unique, to say the least. I really felt like I lived in a small town where everybody knew everybody and everything was just happy. It was so great! It really felt like a scene from a movie. It was such a happy moment.
I like feeling happy. It doesn't happen all that often.
I quit my job at Old Navy today. I just couldn't do it anymore. It was my second job, I was only working 12-16 hours a week. But working that on-top of my job with Best Buy. I took the job on because I wanted to earn some extra money and I wanted to see what else was out there. I didn't think about how hard it would be on me, not only physically, but emotionally. Over the past month, I have had very little of a social life and had become so exhausted. My health and my sanity are more important to me than the little bit of extra money I was making. I feel bad about it, but it's a decision I have to live with. And I did what was right for me.
Tonight was the OB Tree Parade. Never in my life have I ever had so much fun at a parade. Not your typical holiday parade. We've got your surfers parading for the Surfrider Foundation, your Yoga studio advertising a healthy lifestyle and free classes, and the first-ever appearance of the "OB Circus." It was quite unique, to say the least. I really felt like I lived in a small town where everybody knew everybody and everything was just happy. It was so great! It really felt like a scene from a movie. It was such a happy moment.
I like feeling happy. It doesn't happen all that often.
12.01.2006
cutting it close
Good gravy! It's 11:29 PM and I am just now getting around to writing something for this Holidailies gig. It's Day One and it's already not going as I planned. I wanted so bad to have something really great for my first post. I wanted to put thought into it. Not the case, my friends.
After a full day at work and a very long night of babysitting (three children, all under the age of 10) and puppy-sitting at the same time, I am pooped. I have no energy to put thought into anything except getting into my cozy pajamas and snuggling into my warm bed.
I am going to do better tomorrow. I am.
After a full day at work and a very long night of babysitting (three children, all under the age of 10) and puppy-sitting at the same time, I am pooped. I have no energy to put thought into anything except getting into my cozy pajamas and snuggling into my warm bed.
I am going to do better tomorrow. I am.
11.30.2006
killer whales are NOT toys!
Will you people never learn? Killer whales are called KILLER whales for a reason! They are not toys. They are not to be played with, trained or used for entertainment. Is this not common sense? I just don't get it.
The following brief is from a headlining article this afternoon on SignOnSanDiego.com. And lucky me! Someone also linked an unedited video of the incident to the article.
"The female orca, Kasatka, was supposed to shoot out of the water upright so the trainer could dive off its nose – a show finale repeated thousands of times, said Mike Scarpuzzi, vice president of zoology at SeaWorld. Instead, Kasatka grabbed the trainer's foot and dived to the bottom of the 36-foot tank. They surfaced less than a minute later, but she ignored other trainers' signals to draw her to the side, Scarpuzzi said. The orca dived a second time with the trainer for about a minute."
And in reading an update on the article, this was not the first incident between this particular orca and trainer. C'mon people. WHY would you even get back in the tank with the same whale? I'm truly baffled.
After sharing this article with Joann, she e-mails me back, "...but more people are hurt in cars and on bicycles than by killer whales so you can't really go through life worrying about "what ifs" now can you... Life on the edge is so much funner!"
Hahaha! Nope. Never. Not a chance in hell. Not gonna happen. Not if I was 90 years old and dying of a terminally ill disease. If that makes me a wuss, than so-be-it.
The following brief is from a headlining article this afternoon on SignOnSanDiego.com. And lucky me! Someone also linked an unedited video of the incident to the article.
"The female orca, Kasatka, was supposed to shoot out of the water upright so the trainer could dive off its nose – a show finale repeated thousands of times, said Mike Scarpuzzi, vice president of zoology at SeaWorld. Instead, Kasatka grabbed the trainer's foot and dived to the bottom of the 36-foot tank. They surfaced less than a minute later, but she ignored other trainers' signals to draw her to the side, Scarpuzzi said. The orca dived a second time with the trainer for about a minute."
And in reading an update on the article, this was not the first incident between this particular orca and trainer. C'mon people. WHY would you even get back in the tank with the same whale? I'm truly baffled.
After sharing this article with Joann, she e-mails me back, "...but more people are hurt in cars and on bicycles than by killer whales so you can't really go through life worrying about "what ifs" now can you... Life on the edge is so much funner!"
Hahaha! Nope. Never. Not a chance in hell. Not gonna happen. Not if I was 90 years old and dying of a terminally ill disease. If that makes me a wuss, than so-be-it.
9.11.2006
a day not forgotten
Has it really been five years? It's hard to believe. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday. I remember where I was, what I was wearing, what I was doing. I remember the feeling of fear like never before. I remember the overwhelming feeling of sadness.
I guess it will be one of those moments in history that, if you lived through it, you will never forget it.
May peace find those who lost loved ones in this tragedy.
America will never forget September 11, 2001.
I guess it will be one of those moments in history that, if you lived through it, you will never forget it.
America will never forget September 11, 2001.
9.02.2006
where does this road lead?
I have been thinking a lot lately about my career and what exactly it is that I am doing with Best Buy. Next month, I will celebrate my seven year anniversary with the company. I have obviously decided to make a career out of this, but doing what? I don't know.
I started in 1999, as a part-time cashier and worked my way up through various Customer Service/Operations and Administrative positions. It was a little over two years ago that brought me to my first big fork in the road. I had been in the same Administrative role in the store for almost four years (the same store I was hired in), was very unhappy with my Management staff and would come home crying almost every day. I needed to get out of there - I needed a change. I had mastered my role, trained numerous people as my replacement, but I was doing the same. thing. every day.
Keri and I had just decided to relocate up to Northern California and transfer stores. We even made a trip up there to meet our new Management and check out the place we would soon call home. Less than two days after we got back, I was informed of a District position opening up that I wanted so bad. Chances were pretty good that I would get the job. If I wanted it.
After a week of serious thought and consideration, I decided it would be best not to move and to apply for the promotion here. Looking back, I think a lot of my decision was based on the fact that I was so scared to move. Keri and I had never moved out of North San Diego County. After 24 years, it was terrifying to think about just up and starting new.
I made the right decision. Less than a week later, I accepted the position of District Assistant, covering the San Diego and Hawaii market. I'm not sure I had ever been happier. It was then I realized this was going to be my career. Best Buy for life!
Over the past two years, I have learned more about my role, my company, politics within the company, and about myself - than in my entire career. I've even gone from knowing not-a-damn-thing about Excel to being quite the Excel whiz. But I've discovered that I might not want to do this forever. You have to understand that, in my position, there isn't really anywhere to get promoted to. I could go up to the Territory or Executive level, but I'm thinking I don't really want to. I need something new. Something exciting. Something challenging.
But what is it that I want to do? I don't even know what's out there. Obviously, I want to stay with the company. I have been so blessed working for them. I have grown up with Best Buy. It is with them that I have developed my strengths and discovered my weaknesses. I have made friendships and built networks that will last me the rest of my life. I just feel like there is something out there waiting for me - perfect for me. Something I may not even know exists. And who knows, I may realize that the Administrative field is where I want to stay. But I want that option.
I see another fork coming up in the road. It's off in the distance, but I can see it approaching. I have no idea where it will lead me, but I can only imagine it will bring better things. New things.
I started in 1999, as a part-time cashier and worked my way up through various Customer Service/Operations and Administrative positions. It was a little over two years ago that brought me to my first big fork in the road. I had been in the same Administrative role in the store for almost four years (the same store I was hired in), was very unhappy with my Management staff and would come home crying almost every day. I needed to get out of there - I needed a change. I had mastered my role, trained numerous people as my replacement, but I was doing the same. thing. every day.
Keri and I had just decided to relocate up to Northern California and transfer stores. We even made a trip up there to meet our new Management and check out the place we would soon call home. Less than two days after we got back, I was informed of a District position opening up that I wanted so bad. Chances were pretty good that I would get the job. If I wanted it.
After a week of serious thought and consideration, I decided it would be best not to move and to apply for the promotion here. Looking back, I think a lot of my decision was based on the fact that I was so scared to move. Keri and I had never moved out of North San Diego County. After 24 years, it was terrifying to think about just up and starting new.
I made the right decision. Less than a week later, I accepted the position of District Assistant, covering the San Diego and Hawaii market. I'm not sure I had ever been happier. It was then I realized this was going to be my career. Best Buy for life!
Over the past two years, I have learned more about my role, my company, politics within the company, and about myself - than in my entire career. I've even gone from knowing not-a-damn-thing about Excel to being quite the Excel whiz. But I've discovered that I might not want to do this forever. You have to understand that, in my position, there isn't really anywhere to get promoted to. I could go up to the Territory or Executive level, but I'm thinking I don't really want to. I need something new. Something exciting. Something challenging.
But what is it that I want to do? I don't even know what's out there. Obviously, I want to stay with the company. I have been so blessed working for them. I have grown up with Best Buy. It is with them that I have developed my strengths and discovered my weaknesses. I have made friendships and built networks that will last me the rest of my life. I just feel like there is something out there waiting for me - perfect for me. Something I may not even know exists. And who knows, I may realize that the Administrative field is where I want to stay. But I want that option.
I see another fork coming up in the road. It's off in the distance, but I can see it approaching. I have no idea where it will lead me, but I can only imagine it will bring better things. New things.
9.01.2006
obsession
...Three things I am currently obsessed with...
Tea
I used to hate tea. I couldn't even stand the smell of it. That changed when I went to Georgia to visit Moma and Pops. While I was there, I became slightly obsessed with sweet tea and it was all over. Since my visit in May, pretty much the only thing I drink anymore is water or tea. I was never a coffee drinker, but I have even come to enjoy hot tea in the morning. I've gotta have my mug of hot tea to get my work day started.
Current favorite: Fortunes Blueberry Vanilla
Fall Out Boy
I've only recently started listening to Fall Out Boy with the 2005 release of From Under the Cork Tree. And, yes, I will admit it was the radio super-hits Dance, Dance and Sugar, We're Goin Down that got my attention. I was infatuated with FOB from that moment on. I became obsessed not long after bassist and lyricist Pete Wentz's three-episode guest role on One Tree Hill. The guy is a lyrical genius for my generation. Terrible actor. Brilliant lyricist. I haven't yet been able to pull From Under the Cork Tree out of my CD player, but I am really looking forward to listening to their other two albums - someday.
Currently on repeat:
Track 8- Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year
Track 1- Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued
The Current 89.3 (Minnesota Public Radio)
I owe this one to my co-worker and dear friend, Heather, who hails from Minnesota. She knows how much I love music and how much I appreciate any exposure to new music. She suggested I try streaming The Current live on my computer. OH YEAH! I was sold within a half hour. This is an amazing station! If you like the Garden State Soundtrack, you will like The Current. I listen to it every day - all day while I am at work. I am even becoming familiar with the morning, afternoon and early evening DJs. There is no radio station in San Diego that even comes close to the greatness of The Current.
I must add... I give HUGE props to any radio station that has a Now Playing list on their website. This makes me such a happy girl. It's just so convenient when you need to find out the name of that killer song they are broadcasting - at any given point during the day.
Favorite new discoveries (thanks to The Current):
I've Been Thinking - Handsome Boy Modeling School (ft. Cat Power)
Fidelity - Regina Spektor
See the Elephant - James McMurty
Tea
I used to hate tea. I couldn't even stand the smell of it. That changed when I went to Georgia to visit Moma and Pops. While I was there, I became slightly obsessed with sweet tea and it was all over. Since my visit in May, pretty much the only thing I drink anymore is water or tea. I was never a coffee drinker, but I have even come to enjoy hot tea in the morning. I've gotta have my mug of hot tea to get my work day started.
Current favorite: Fortunes Blueberry Vanilla
Fall Out Boy
I've only recently started listening to Fall Out Boy with the 2005 release of From Under the Cork Tree. And, yes, I will admit it was the radio super-hits Dance, Dance and Sugar, We're Goin Down that got my attention. I was infatuated with FOB from that moment on. I became obsessed not long after bassist and lyricist Pete Wentz's three-episode guest role on One Tree Hill. The guy is a lyrical genius for my generation. Terrible actor. Brilliant lyricist. I haven't yet been able to pull From Under the Cork Tree out of my CD player, but I am really looking forward to listening to their other two albums - someday.
Currently on repeat:
Track 8- Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year
Track 1- Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued
The Current 89.3 (Minnesota Public Radio)
I owe this one to my co-worker and dear friend, Heather, who hails from Minnesota. She knows how much I love music and how much I appreciate any exposure to new music. She suggested I try streaming The Current live on my computer. OH YEAH! I was sold within a half hour. This is an amazing station! If you like the Garden State Soundtrack, you will like The Current. I listen to it every day - all day while I am at work. I am even becoming familiar with the morning, afternoon and early evening DJs. There is no radio station in San Diego that even comes close to the greatness of The Current.
I must add... I give HUGE props to any radio station that has a Now Playing list on their website. This makes me such a happy girl. It's just so convenient when you need to find out the name of that killer song they are broadcasting - at any given point during the day.
Favorite new discoveries (thanks to The Current):
I've Been Thinking - Handsome Boy Modeling School (ft. Cat Power)
Fidelity - Regina Spektor
See the Elephant - James McMurty
8.21.2006
the in-between
Late Friday afternoon, I had to call my best friend to tell her that one of her dear friends, Micah, had overdosed and died the night before. How the hell was I going to tell her this over the phone? I had to be strong. For her. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. After I hung up with her, I was pretty numb. So this is what it's all about? Life. Death. And making the best of the in-between. I hope I'm ready for this. I guess I don't have a choice.Rest peacefully, Micah Maddox. Rest peacefully.
8.20.2006
it's about time
I'll put it in the simplist terms... I need to write. For months, Moma has been trying to get me to start up my blog and start writing. The time needed to be right for me. The time has come. The time is now.
It's about me. It's happy. It's hopeful. It's dark. It's sad. It's who I am.
Welcome to my world.
It's about me. It's happy. It's hopeful. It's dark. It's sad. It's who I am.
Welcome to my world.
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