'tis the f*ing season

On Thursday I received a MySpace message from my half-Sister, Jena. Before I get into the drama this message started, let me give you a little background... the short, clean version...

My Dad re-married when I was very young and had two daughters with his new wife, Teri. Jena will be 18 in March and Joell is just over 13. I haven't been very close to them their whole life. Not by choice. My Step-Mother and I have always been out on each other, and my Dad has no backbone to fight for me. So, needless to say there aren't very many happy memories spent with them. In fact, I could probably count them on one hand.

Anyway, I hadn't heard from Jena in almost one year. I had made a couple attempts to reach out to her this past year, but never heard back from her. Then this message came through the MySpace wire (please pardon any typos):


Date: Nov 30 2006 7:28 PM
Hi Juli,
I havent talked to you in a while. I hope you are doing well. Well i was going to go look at indash tvs for my bf for xmas at best buy, MAYBE cause i know they are outragesouly expensive but i was wondering if you still get a little discount if you would just let me know incase i could just save a little money cause i dont have much. Well hope to see you soon Jena


I started to respond right away. But stopped. Angry Juli was responding. I needed to wait, process what I was going to say. I thought about for a few days. I talked it out. I made sure that I wasn't going to regret what I said. Think before you act, Juli.


Date: Dec 5 2006 7:17 PM
I'm sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you, but I wanted to think about how I was going to respond. I thought at first about kindly responding to you with the discount policy. Then I realized by simply responding that way, you would think that it was acceptable for you to do this. And it's NOT. And here is my reasoning...

Jena over the past year, you have done all BUT act like you were a member of my family, much less acknowledge the fact that I am your SISTER. You never have responded to MySpace messages I sent you (the ones I sent with pictures) even though I saw that you read them. I was shocked, but delighted, that you sent me a Happy Halloween comment. It's pretty naive of you to assume that I would just jump at the chance to help you with a discount. After you can't even respond to a message when I call you out on only mentioning that you have one sibling in a bulletin? In multiple bulletins, for that matter.

So why now? Why do I suddenly exist to you?
Because you don't have a lot of money and would like me to use my discount for you? Welcome to the real world, Sister.

I know this is not the response you were expecting, nor was it the response I originally intended to send. But it's the truth. The harsh truth. Jena you have made zero effort to be my family, much less my Sister. I'm done being the only one that seems to care and want to actually have a relationship with my Sisters. I'm old enough now that I've realized I don't have to do this anymore. It just hurts too much.

I'm sure this message will piss you off. But ONE DAY you will realize how much I put up with and maybe that day you will realize you do have another Sister. One that loves you very much, and has only ever wanted the chance to BE your big Sister. I will ALWAYS be here for you and Joell. And my door will ALWAYS be open for you girls. I just hope that one day you give me that chance.


Hi Jena. It's nice to hear from you. I am doing well. Thanks for asking. I hope all is well for you, too. To answer your question - yes, I do get a discount but that unfortunately the policy changed in September and family members are no longer eligible to receive the discount.
(That's the response I was going to send.)

...Juli


Then I waited. Honestly, I wasn't even expecting Jena to respond. But she did.


Date: Dec 5 2006 9:12 PM
Well actually i have lots of money i have a job and make about 400 a week and i have paretns that give me money so no it didnt piss me off!!! and i dont think i should try when u are the older one u should be the one trying to show us how life is but thats ok... and to let u know dont be dissapointed that u dont get a ticket for my graduation cause i only get 6! Trust me i have had a great life and not one bit dissapointed with how my life has been or with what i have done. i have an amazing bf that my paretns adore and he adores joell and we are planning on getting married in a few years


Are you kidding me? Is she really going to go there? Is she trying to throw it in my face that her parents give her money? Is she trying to imply that I am not only not going to be invited to her Graduation, but to her wedding as well? This is unbelievable. Be mature, Juli. Don't stoop to her level.


Date: Dec 5 2006 9:17 PM
Well, it's obvious that you missed the point of the e-mail, Jena. I do want to point out that you did mention in your first e-mail that "i could just save a little money cause i dont have much." That is why I said that about the money. I know your parents give you money. That was never a question.

And as for be being the older one, so I should try... Honey I have. My whole life. I have always asked to come to your sporting events, no one ever told me about them. And if you remember, at Christmas last year, it was your friends (including Kenny) who did not even know who I was. I understand that they had never met me, but they were pretty confused that you even had another Sister. You may not remember that, Jena, but I do. I was very hurt. And it was very uncomfortable.

I know you have a great life, and I can see in your pictures that you have an incredible boyfriend that loves you very much. I honestly couldn't be happier for you. I NEVER have doubted that you had a good life or that you were ever disappointed with how your life has turned out. That has never been mentioned or implied. EVER.

And don't worry, I wasn't expecting an invitation to your Graduation. I was hoping, but not expecting. I've learned over the years never to expect anything.

It's wonderful that Dad and Teri love Kenny. And I am so glad to hear that he adores Joell. Like I mentioned above, I couldn't be happier for you. You will make a beautiful bride someday.

I love you, Jena! Despite what you may think. Despite how you may feel about me.

...Juli


I want so bad for this not to make me so sad. I am trying so hard to be the bigger person. I am trying so hard to handle this maturely. It sure is hard. I just wish she could understand what my life has been like.

Maybe someday.